Blog: What Samantha did next? Sunday afternoon

EGYPTIANS - very dodgy, intones Saleh. We’re standing outside the Famous Curry Bazaar on Brick Lane. Saleh is the doorman and a fount of weird and hyperbolic bons mots. Everything is the biggest, best, and most beautiful. How is your wife? I enquire. She is brilliant, excellent he says. Saleh points to a bloke standing to one side. Look at him! His wife is very terrible. See how sad he looks.

I had made the mistake of divulging that my friend S was having a protracted romance with a diving instructor that she had met whilst holidaying in Egypt.

Camels...she must ask for between five and ten, he says to me quite ignoring the fact that S is standing in between us. But she must be very careful, he adds ominously. What on earth is she going to do with a bunch of camels in her flat? I ask.

We all have weddings on the brain. The owner of our restaurant, Jubar, is getting married to his beloved Haney in a few weeks. Haney’s dad once chased him out of their apartment wielding an axe but Jubar persisted.

We’re all invited, as, it seems, is the rest of east London. Im RSVP-ing for me and Tory and we’re bringing another couple, I had said earlier to Jubar’s younger brother, Rucseil, on the phone. Is that all? he demands, Bring more people!

It’s a Sunday afternoon and the restaurant is quiet. We’re having a beer. The sun is out and the waiters are all cracking up at the thought of S looking after five to ten camels.

Eventually some proper customers come in and we also pretend to be proper customers. The waiters all pretend to be proper too but are going slightly over the top with their flourishes and bows when they walk past our table. We all try not to laugh.

About Samantha

What Samantha did next? Samantha was born to Cruella in 1971. She won a school prize for English when she was twelve and has a Masters Degree in Art History. Currently she labours in the health industry so that worked out well. Samantha used to be married to a man of Scottish descent. As she is of Jewish descent it was a very cheap wedding. Samantha now lives in London and loves its nooks and crannies and fabulous people. This blog is her way of sharing the city behind the big tourist attractions with you. Samantha has never climbed Mount Everest or swam with dolphins but when she grows up she wants to have a cat.