Monday Morning smile: pilots and engineers

AFTER every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Engineer: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. E: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. E: Evidence removed. P: Suspected crack in windshield. E: Suspect you're right. P: Target radar hums. E: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. E: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. E: Took hammer away from midget.